In a parent-initiated adoption, it is important to work with your attorney if you experience problems. One of the biggest and most devastating problems is if the adoption falls through. Unfortunately, if the birth mother changes her mind you have no recourse. This is when an experienced attorney can assist you in approaching the situation carefully and make sure that every aspect of the adoption is in line before you commit emotionally and financially to the adoption.

One of the most important ways to make sure you are prepared is to go to counseling. A good counselor can help you see the whole picture and make sure that this adoption is the best choice for you and your family. A good counselor can also be beneficial to a birth mother who is facing the difficult process and help her to deal with her choice not to parent the child. This can also help her to deal with the ups and downs that will surely come as she progresses through her pregnancy.

There are some warning signs that you and your attorney should look for in the parent-initiated adoption.

One set of signs to look for is in the facilitator that will handle your particular adoption.

1. The issues in the adoption contract do not meet with what the facilitator has told you.
2. The facilitator does not or is hesitant to provide references. Or if he or she states that it is a matter of privacy and they are not allowed to divulge this information to you. This is a big warning sign.
3. The facilitator will not give you the address and phone number to the business where they are employed.
4. The facilitator becomes perturbed or seems insulted when you ask questions about the adoption, which pertains to protecting you through the adoption process.
5. The facilitator asks for a large amount of money up front, in addition to the small application fee, and/or the large amount is non-refundable.
6. The facilitator is hard to reach or just does not return your phone calls.
7. The facilitator is vague as to time lines for certain paperwork to be completed pertaining to the adoption.

There are some warning signs to look for from the birth mother also.

1. The birth mother refuses or does not see the importance in meeting with a counselor.
2. The dates that the birth mother gives you just do not add up.
3. Her story about the pregnancy, the birth father, her home conditions, etc. change and do not seem accurate or trustworthy.
4. She says that she has been to see the doctor but cannot show proof of the visit.
5. The birthmother cannot give you documented proof of the pregnancy.
6. If she states she is having twins but cannot show you a sonogram picture from the doctor’s office as proof.
7. The birthmother is hesitant or will not give you her home address or phone number. Or, if the birth mother will only give you her cell phone number.
8. The birth mother requests money up front for living expenses and such.
9. The birth mother insists that she wants to bring you the baby, instead of you being at the hospital at the time of birth. She does not want you to see the baby in the hospital setting.
10. The birth mother is hesitant or will not talk or meet in person, your attorney, the facilitator or other adoption professional that you may be using.
11. The birth mother seems way too enthusiastic and ready to hand over her baby without really getting to know you.
12. The birth mother refuses to be seen or met in person.

The adoption process is a very emotional process and it is always wise to take a step back from time to time to evaluate the situation and make sure that everything is in order. You and your family do not need the added stress of an adoption plan falling through.  An experienced adoption attorney can assist you and help make sure that this does not happen to you and your family.