Below is a description of one woman’s struggle to deal with finding out that she was adopted…

I was born in September of 1960′s to a nurse in Washington State. She was 26 and unmarried. She had me at the hospital and left me the next day, unnamed and alone. The doctor that delivered me named me and even brought me to his home to be cared for by his wife until Catholic Charities came to bring me to a foster home.

Three months later, I was adopted by a military family stationed in Spokane, WA. My Mom and Dad drove through a snowstorm to come and pick me up at the foster home. Mom said that I was her Christmas present. My Dad was in the Air Force. They met and married when they where very young. I think that Mom married Dad in large part just to get out of the abusive situation that she was in with Grandpa and Grandma. They were very harsh with her. As we look back now she went from one abusive situation to another. Dad was just as bad. He controlled everything. Mom did not even learn how to drive until she was in her 30′s and was never allowed to have a job or outside friends.

We lived in Washington until I was six. We then moved to Louisiana, where I lived for the rest of my childhood.

I have an older sister and she is nine years older than I am. She is also the only biological child my parents had. My sister currently resides in Louisiana and attended law school. She has been married four times and has four children and five grandchildren.

I also have an older brother. He is seven years older than I am. He was adopted in Morocco, Africa while my parents were stationed there. My parents decided to quit loaning him money after he became an adult so he moved and he has not been in contact since.

My older sister and brother are not very close to me. The age gap was just too much for there to be much of a connection. I have not spoken to or had contact with my brother in 21 years. My sister has not been in touch in about 18 years. Her choice, not mine.

I also have a younger brother. There is only a two-year difference between us so we are much closer. We were able to grow up and go to school together. He was also adopted in Washington. He now lives in England, just north of London with his wife and two girls. We stay in close contact and have a great relationship. As we were growing up, we fought constantly. It was as adults that we became true friends. With maturity comes better insight into others.

My parents divorced after 42 years of marriage. The court battle that preceded it was nasty and was the main reason for our family being divided. My sister chose my father’s side and that is why she refuses to stay in touch with my mom or me. My father now resides in Natchitoches and stays in touch sporadically. I had to testify at the divorce hearing about him having an affair. It is amazing to me how doing something that he always taught me to do, tell the truth, is what finally came between us. I have tried to stay in touch but he is reluctant.

My mother now resides in Texas and I guess is doing well. She chooses to have nothing to do with me after I contacted my birth mother in 2006. I needed some questions answered about her and my biological father. She was on her deathbed and I felt like I had to go see her before she died. I received no information from her, she made it all about her, and then she died two weeks later. My adoptive mother has not contacted or spoke to me since then. I have tried to call but she will not answer the phone. I have sent letters and cards but she just puts them in larger envelopes and returns them unopened.

My father still lives in Louisiana and we have now reconciled our relationship and have made a fresh start.

My elementary years were typical. I was in the Brownies, Girl Scouts, school plays, etc. When I was in 7^th grade, we moved from south Louisiana to north Louisiana. Fitting in at the new school was a challenge. The new school was located in a Hispanic community with only about five percent of the student body as white. In high school, I was active in various clubs. FFA and Art Club were my favorites. I bought, raised and showed sheep for the FFA. I was able to bring home ribbons and trophies for my hard work.

High school was tough for me because I was not allowed to date or hang out with my friends. My father did not allow it. Looking back now I guess he did me a favor. I may not of gone into the Air Force and met my husband of 25 years.

After high school, I went immediately into the Air Force. I had basic training in San Antonio, Texas, career training in Colorado, and then was assigned to an airbase located in Germany. I met and married my husband in Denmark in 1984 and we have been married now for 25 happy years. We are each other’s best friends.

I have two children, a son that is 24 and a daughter that is 22. I have good relationships with both of my children. We all enjoy spending time together. The discipline that we have used over the years has varied, mainly due to age. We have always insisted on respect, total honesty, and accountability. I worked outside of the home for some time due to financial needs but mostly stayed home with the kids over the years. Active parenting has worked with our family. I was always there when my children came home and when they did not have school. I believe that my children faired well because they were well supervised.

My son was born with Osteogenesis Imperfecta (OI), or Brittle Bone Syndrome. We had many medical challenges raising him. He has been a child that needed constant care, tons of time in the hospital, in the wheelchair, endless doctor appointments, and a myriad of medication given. This has given me the ability to learn tons of patience and more knowledge than most parents have of medical issues, hospitals, and such. I am aware of the huge responsibility that comes when caring for a special needs child. All of this would have been easier if I had known at the time that I was adopted. I could have found out that I had inherited the O.I. from my biological grandmother and biological mother.

My daughter currently works in the Fort Worth area and attends night classes at the local college. She is also full of life and dreams. She is described by some of my friends as being larger than life and very animated.

As an adult, I have had a son born with a disease, parents that were divorced, my children being in the Wedgwood Church shooting, losing a grandmother that I adored, and found out that I am adopted. At the age of thirty-two I found out that I was adopted and I did not handle the news well. I went into depression. I firmly believe that children should be told early that they are adopted. It should not be the dirty family secret that it used to be in the 60s.

I found my birth mother after much research and having to go to court to get the adoption records opened. In Washington State the records are sealed and the only way for them to be opened is if the birth mother gives consent. I realized that she did the best thing for me. She never meant to hurt me, she just did not know what else to do. It still pains me though when I have to go to the doctor and let him know that I have no idea about my family medical history. It is very embarrassing. I know that if I were told that I was adopted from the beginning it would not have been this thing in my life that “makes me feel so shameful.”

My own adoption has played a major role in my decision to work with a local adoption center. I realize that babies and children need a safe place to be until their adoption goes through or their biological parents want them back. These children need to be prayed over and loved on. The families need to be ministered to and not judged.

There will always be challenges in life. I believe that we should always deal with them in a positive and loving way. I firmly believe in keeping family close and loving one another.

In today’s society, adoption is an acceptable topic and no one is looked down upon. Every adopted child needs and deserves to be told of their family history regardless of how sketchy it is. If the adoption is kept a secret, it only brings shame and embarrassment to that child. It makes them feel that their self worth is less than others. The best approach to adoption is openness and truth from the beginning.

I am thankful that I was adopted and wish all families well that decide that adoption is the best choice for them. It takes mighty people to open their homes to an adoptive child and make the decision to love them for the rest of their lives. These families are to be commended for their loving caring spirits, and the dedication that comes with adopting children. They know that once that child is adopted it is someone that they will love for the rest of their lives.

Anonymous Adoptee