The adoption process is a very delicate situation that all adoptive parents need to understand. They need to realize that it is not about them, it is about the child.

These children often come into adoption knowing that they were not wanted or that their biological parents were unable to care for them. This brings a myriad of emotions and thoughts about their situation or about themselves that needs to be explored and thought out.

Here are a few things you should avoid doing at all costs with your adoptive child.

• Be very vague about the child’s biological parents. Many adoptive parents do this feeling as if they are protecting the child and many times this only makes the situation worse.
• Refuse to ever talk about the adoption and just insist that the child is theirs and that is just the way that it is.
• Making the child feel guilty or ungrateful when they ask any question about their background or their biological parents.
• Making the child feel guilty or ungrateful if they question why they were adopted.
• Tell the child that they must have done something wrong for their biological parents not to want them.
• Tell the child that they should be grateful and in their “debt” because they “saved” them.
• Make the child feel disloyal if they talk about their birthparents or want to make excuses for them.
• Making the child feel guilty if they share that they are adopted with other people.
• Not recognizing that the child has a set of biological parents and adoptive parents.
• Introducing the child as their “adoptive” child.
• Make the child feel that they had to “settle” because of their own infertility.
• Not acknowledging the birth parents abuse or neglect of the child. Or refusing to even speak of it, thinking that they are protecting the child.
• Refuse to offer professional help to the older adoptee. Ignoring that they may have issues that they need someone to talk to about.
• Thinking that if they just loved them enough that it will “fix” all of the child’s issues or concerns.