Once you have decided to adopt a baby/child and filled out the initial application you are telling the adoption attorney attorney or adoption agency that you choose, that you have definitively decided to use their services.

There is an overwhelming amount of paperwork that must be completed and reviewed before you wishes to adopt are presented to any birthmother working on an adoption plan. The agency or attorney has an obligation to ensure that all the paperwork is completed and reviewed, background checks are completed, references are verified, and interviews have been performed and noted and an official home study report is typed up by the social worker assigned to your adoption case. Home study fees vary by agency or attorney. Prices can range from $700 to $2,500 and are generally due when the home study is completed.

Depending on the agency or attorney that you choose to represent you, will determine how in-depth the home study will be. Some home studies are very basic such as how long you have been married, your race, your upbringing, your religious beliefs, your employment, your income, etc. A more in-depth home study will give the birthmother a better understanding of you, your motives to adopt, your beliefs, and your ability to be the best choice of parents for her baby. The social worker assigned to your case will conduct several interviews, some with both prospective parents present, and some with each individual prospective parent. The social worker will also interview anyone else that resides in your home and will reside in your home after placement of the child.

If you are the birthparent, and making an adoption plan for your baby, you should use an agency or attorney that gives you information on the prospective adopting parents and their findings after conducting the home study. They will not disclose personal information, however, they should be able to give you basic information about prospective parents and a general summary of the home study performed. If you have problems getting this information, the agency or attorney that you have chose may not be the best choice for your adoption plan.

A home study can seem overwhelming to most going through the adoption process. They are fearful of the unknown. Will the agency or attorney like us, will they think that we are suitable parents for a baby, is our home good enough, will they reject us because of our views on discipline, religion, child rearing, etc. Because of the enormous responsibility of parenting a child, the agency or attorney representing you needs to ensure the birth parents that you are a great choice as prospective parents to their baby and they foresee no issues that would make you undesirable adoptive parents.

Many areas are investigated through the home study process. The first being a criminal background check which also includes a check to ensure that you were not suspected or charged with child abuse in the past.

The social worker will also ask many questions in order to determine if you are emotionally and financially able to adopt a child. Your motivation to adopt is one of the key areas discussed. They will ask discuss and ask about your infertility issues and if you have explored and processed your emotions surrounding any infertility issues you have experienced.

Through the home study process the social worker will request that you each write out your autobiography. This can seem very overwhelming and daunting at first. You are not sure of how in-depth the autobiography should be, what to include and not include, what relationships you should write about, etc. The best course of action is to simply sit down and write out your story, honestly, in a way that summarizes your life and your self. Include items such as your family and the relationships that you have with them, your upbringing, good and bad experiences in your life and how you have dealt with each, etc. Write your autobiography as though you are introducing yourself, your life, and your life experiences and how these experiences have made you who you are today.

The social worker will assess your marriage also. If there were a previous marriage they will ask for the detail of the marriage, why it was dissolved, what lessons were learned that helps them to make the current marriage a success, etc. They will also investigate your current marriage; it’s length and stability. They will want to know how each of you deal with differences, how you deal with life’s up and downs, if you are agreement about disciplining of your future child, etc. They know that not all marriages are perfect. If described as a “perfect marriage”, they will know that the truth is not being presented. They are looking to make sure that your marriage can withstand the emotional ups and downs of adopting and raising an adoptive child.

The home study will need to include your financial status such as your income, job stability, satisfaction with your current job, and your assets. A couple is not required to have a six-figure income to adopt. You do not need to live in a fancy home with designer furniture and drive new cars. They are just interested in knowing that you have the financial resources to care and provide for a child.

The type of baby/child that you are interested in adopting is discussed. What age baby/child you want to adopt, what ethnicities are you open to, the possible medical, emotional, and psychological issues that may be present or in the child’s future. Another issued that is discussed is your expectation of the birth mother’s medical and psychological conditions. Did the birth mother have prenatal care? Was she on or used drugs and/or alcohol during her pregnancy? Is there a medical history of birth defects in the birth mother or birth father’s families?

The social worker will want to know you plan on how and when you will tell the child that they are adopted. They also need to know how open you both want with the adoption and how much contact you are will to have between you and the birth mother. It is recommended that you both attend adoption workshops, read books relating to the generalities of the baby/child you want to adopt. It is recommended that you attend special classes to prepare you for the possible obstacles that are associated with adopting a child of mixed or different race than yourselves, and how to incorporate their ethnic heritage into all of your lives. There are also classes that can prepare you to adopt a child that may have medical challenges, or emotional and/or physiological disorders. These classes are very important because they give you a clear idea of the obstacles, limitations and challenges that come with each issue. They will give advise on each issue and how best to parent the child that may have one or all of these issues. They want you to have a clear understanding of each issue so that you are able to make an informed decision regarding the condition of the baby/child that you wish to adopt and parent.

The home study will also include your religious and spiritual backgrounds along with your current beliefs and practices. Most birth mothers will ask about your spiritual beliefs and practices. They will want to know how you plan to raise a child surrounding your beliefs and practices.

Your educational values and personal aspirations for your upcoming child are noted in the home study. Also discussed, your plans on parenting which will enable your child to reach their full potential in their life.

Lastly, the home study will include reports from your doctor/s on your mental and medical health.

Once all interviews are conducted, all forms completed, and all issues are clarified and approved, the social worker will type up the official home study report. You are now officially approved to adopt a baby or child. Most couples find, after the home study is typed and approved, that they worried needlessly through the home study process. At this point, the agency or attorney will begin the process of presenting you to birth mothers making an adoption plan. You are now on your journey of upcoming adoption and the glorious moment of becoming a new parent. The journey is well worth it so “sit back and enjoy the ride”.

The language that society used in the past, and currently today, concerning adoption is not politically correct or emotionally tolerant of adoption and the families that surround these adoptions.

The phrases or words used to discuss adoption, both formally and some times in today’s society, are negative.

Here are some examples of adoption language and the positive way to discuss the issues:

• Birthparents are labeled as the real parent, however, they are the biological parent. A parent is anyone that takes the child in for a lifetime, cares, loves, and nurtures the child. To be a parent they are not required to give birth to that child.
• When adoptive parents introduced their children, they would refer to them as our adopted child, especially if they had their own biological child. Adopted children are not always happy being introduced as different from the other children. Many older adoptees have self-esteem issues before adoption and if introduced in this manner, it only reinforces their opinion of themselves that they are different or of lesser value than the biological child does. The adoptive parents should always introduce the child as “their child”, not “my adopted child”.
• One of the most damaging labels that adoptive child are sometimes called is “illegitimate”. Edna Gladney went through legislation in Texas to change the laws regarding birth certificates. Through her tireless efforts, a bill passed that made Texas the first state to legally remove the information area on birth certificates that signifies legitimate or illegitimate. The child in these cases has no responsibility in the matter and therefore, if need be, should never be referred to as illegitimate but rather, a child that was born to an unmarried couple.
• Many in society refer to adoptive parents as “they could not have children”. Adoptive parents are very sensitive about this matter. They have gone through the painful journey of infertility; financially, physically and emotionally. A better way to say it is, “they could not conceive or could not carry a pregnancy”. It is not a point that they could not have children because through adoption they are able to have children.
• Adoptive parents are labeled as “not the real parents of the child”. A parent is someone that wants their children to grow up happy, safe, healthy, and loved so that they can reach their full potential within themselves. They want these children to reach their all their dreams and aspirations. These parents are financially, emotionally and physically able to provide for their children. These adoptive parents should be referred to as “the parent”. A parent need not give birth to the child to still fulfill the role of parent.
• Adopted children are labeled as “the unwanted child”. All children everywhere are wanted by someone. They are “a child in need of a family”.

For the birth parents/biological parents, they are also discussed in many negative ways. This is very hurtful and comes from misinformation relating to adoption.

Here are a few examples of positive adoption language:

• I have heard many times, “I just don’t know how the birthmother could give up her baby for adoption”. Birth mothers are to be commended upon their decision to “not parent the child” because they understand their circumstances, and some times, their very limited resources. They have decided to love their baby so much that they have decided to do what is best for their baby, knowing that the baby will need someone else to fill the role of parent. This is referred as an adoption plan.
• When the biological mother changes her mind about the adoption plan, it is commonly stated “she is keeping her baby”. In reality, she is choosing to parent her baby.
• Birth mothers are said to have had an “unwanted pregnancy”. No one can really know what goes through the woman’s mind and heart while she is pregnant. Her pregnancy is simply “an unplanned pregnancy”.