The language that society used in the past, and currently today, concerning adoption is not politically correct or emotionally tolerant of adoption and the families that surround these adoptions.

The phrases or words used to discuss adoption, both formally and some times in today’s society, are negative.

Here are some examples of adoption language and the positive way to discuss the issues:

• Birthparents are labeled as the real parent, however, they are the biological parent. A parent is anyone that takes the child in for a lifetime, cares, loves, and nurtures the child. To be a parent they are not required to give birth to that child.
• When adoptive parents introduced their children, they would refer to them as our adopted child, especially if they had their own biological child. Adopted children are not always happy being introduced as different from the other children. Many older adoptees have self-esteem issues before adoption and if introduced in this manner, it only reinforces their opinion of themselves that they are different or of lesser value than the biological child does. The adoptive parents should always introduce the child as “their child”, not “my adopted child”.
• One of the most damaging labels that adoptive child are sometimes called is “illegitimate”. Edna Gladney went through legislation in Texas to change the laws regarding birth certificates. Through her tireless efforts, a bill passed that made Texas the first state to legally remove the information area on birth certificates that signifies legitimate or illegitimate. The child in these cases has no responsibility in the matter and therefore, if need be, should never be referred to as illegitimate but rather, a child that was born to an unmarried couple.
• Many in society refer to adoptive parents as “they could not have children”. Adoptive parents are very sensitive about this matter. They have gone through the painful journey of infertility; financially, physically and emotionally. A better way to say it is, “they could not conceive or could not carry a pregnancy”. It is not a point that they could not have children because through adoption they are able to have children.
• Adoptive parents are labeled as “not the real parents of the child”. A parent is someone that wants their children to grow up happy, safe, healthy, and loved so that they can reach their full potential within themselves. They want these children to reach their all their dreams and aspirations. These parents are financially, emotionally and physically able to provide for their children. These adoptive parents should be referred to as “the parent”. A parent need not give birth to the child to still fulfill the role of parent.
• Adopted children are labeled as “the unwanted child”. All children everywhere are wanted by someone. They are “a child in need of a family”.

For the birth parents/biological parents, they are also discussed in many negative ways. This is very hurtful and comes from misinformation relating to adoption.

Here are a few examples of positive adoption language:

• I have heard many times, “I just don’t know how the birthmother could give up her baby for adoption”. Birth mothers are to be commended upon their decision to “not parent the child” because they understand their circumstances, and some times, their very limited resources. They have decided to love their baby so much that they have decided to do what is best for their baby, knowing that the baby will need someone else to fill the role of parent. This is referred as an adoption plan.
• When the biological mother changes her mind about the adoption plan, it is commonly stated “she is keeping her baby”. In reality, she is choosing to parent her baby.
• Birth mothers are said to have had an “unwanted pregnancy”. No one can really know what goes through the woman’s mind and heart while she is pregnant. Her pregnancy is simply “an unplanned pregnancy”.