Once you have decided to adopt a baby/child and filled out the initial application you are telling the adoption attorney attorney or adoption agency that you choose, that you have definitively decided to use their services.

There is an overwhelming amount of paperwork that must be completed and reviewed before you wishes to adopt are presented to any birthmother working on an adoption plan. The agency or attorney has an obligation to ensure that all the paperwork is completed and reviewed, background checks are completed, references are verified, and interviews have been performed and noted and an official home study report is typed up by the social worker assigned to your adoption case. Home study fees vary by agency or attorney. Prices can range from $700 to $2,500 and are generally due when the home study is completed.

Depending on the agency or attorney that you choose to represent you, will determine how in-depth the home study will be. Some home studies are very basic such as how long you have been married, your race, your upbringing, your religious beliefs, your employment, your income, etc. A more in-depth home study will give the birthmother a better understanding of you, your motives to adopt, your beliefs, and your ability to be the best choice of parents for her baby. The social worker assigned to your case will conduct several interviews, some with both prospective parents present, and some with each individual prospective parent. The social worker will also interview anyone else that resides in your home and will reside in your home after placement of the child.

If you are the birthparent, and making an adoption plan for your baby, you should use an agency or attorney that gives you information on the prospective adopting parents and their findings after conducting the home study. They will not disclose personal information, however, they should be able to give you basic information about prospective parents and a general summary of the home study performed. If you have problems getting this information, the agency or attorney that you have chose may not be the best choice for your adoption plan.

A home study can seem overwhelming to most going through the adoption process. They are fearful of the unknown. Will the agency or attorney like us, will they think that we are suitable parents for a baby, is our home good enough, will they reject us because of our views on discipline, religion, child rearing, etc. Because of the enormous responsibility of parenting a child, the agency or attorney representing you needs to ensure the birth parents that you are a great choice as prospective parents to their baby and they foresee no issues that would make you undesirable adoptive parents.

Many areas are investigated through the home study process. The first being a criminal background check which also includes a check to ensure that you were not suspected or charged with child abuse in the past.

The social worker will also ask many questions in order to determine if you are emotionally and financially able to adopt a child. Your motivation to adopt is one of the key areas discussed. They will ask discuss and ask about your infertility issues and if you have explored and processed your emotions surrounding any infertility issues you have experienced.

Through the home study process the social worker will request that you each write out your autobiography. This can seem very overwhelming and daunting at first. You are not sure of how in-depth the autobiography should be, what to include and not include, what relationships you should write about, etc. The best course of action is to simply sit down and write out your story, honestly, in a way that summarizes your life and your self. Include items such as your family and the relationships that you have with them, your upbringing, good and bad experiences in your life and how you have dealt with each, etc. Write your autobiography as though you are introducing yourself, your life, and your life experiences and how these experiences have made you who you are today.

The social worker will assess your marriage also. If there were a previous marriage they will ask for the detail of the marriage, why it was dissolved, what lessons were learned that helps them to make the current marriage a success, etc. They will also investigate your current marriage; it’s length and stability. They will want to know how each of you deal with differences, how you deal with life’s up and downs, if you are agreement about disciplining of your future child, etc. They know that not all marriages are perfect. If described as a “perfect marriage”, they will know that the truth is not being presented. They are looking to make sure that your marriage can withstand the emotional ups and downs of adopting and raising an adoptive child.

The home study will need to include your financial status such as your income, job stability, satisfaction with your current job, and your assets. A couple is not required to have a six-figure income to adopt. You do not need to live in a fancy home with designer furniture and drive new cars. They are just interested in knowing that you have the financial resources to care and provide for a child.

The type of baby/child that you are interested in adopting is discussed. What age baby/child you want to adopt, what ethnicities are you open to, the possible medical, emotional, and psychological issues that may be present or in the child’s future. Another issued that is discussed is your expectation of the birth mother’s medical and psychological conditions. Did the birth mother have prenatal care? Was she on or used drugs and/or alcohol during her pregnancy? Is there a medical history of birth defects in the birth mother or birth father’s families?

The social worker will want to know you plan on how and when you will tell the child that they are adopted. They also need to know how open you both want with the adoption and how much contact you are will to have between you and the birth mother. It is recommended that you both attend adoption workshops, read books relating to the generalities of the baby/child you want to adopt. It is recommended that you attend special classes to prepare you for the possible obstacles that are associated with adopting a child of mixed or different race than yourselves, and how to incorporate their ethnic heritage into all of your lives. There are also classes that can prepare you to adopt a child that may have medical challenges, or emotional and/or physiological disorders. These classes are very important because they give you a clear idea of the obstacles, limitations and challenges that come with each issue. They will give advise on each issue and how best to parent the child that may have one or all of these issues. They want you to have a clear understanding of each issue so that you are able to make an informed decision regarding the condition of the baby/child that you wish to adopt and parent.

The home study will also include your religious and spiritual backgrounds along with your current beliefs and practices. Most birth mothers will ask about your spiritual beliefs and practices. They will want to know how you plan to raise a child surrounding your beliefs and practices.

Your educational values and personal aspirations for your upcoming child are noted in the home study. Also discussed, your plans on parenting which will enable your child to reach their full potential in their life.

Lastly, the home study will include reports from your doctor/s on your mental and medical health.

Once all interviews are conducted, all forms completed, and all issues are clarified and approved, the social worker will type up the official home study report. You are now officially approved to adopt a baby or child. Most couples find, after the home study is typed and approved, that they worried needlessly through the home study process. At this point, the agency or attorney will begin the process of presenting you to birth mothers making an adoption plan. You are now on your journey of upcoming adoption and the glorious moment of becoming a new parent. The journey is well worth it so “sit back and enjoy the ride”.

The adoption process is a very delicate situation that all adoptive parents need to understand. They need to realize that it is not about them, it is about the child.

These children often come into adoption knowing that they were not wanted or that their biological parents were unable to care for them. This brings a myriad of emotions and thoughts about their situation or about themselves that needs to be explored and thought out.

Here are a few things you should avoid doing at all costs with your adoptive child.

• Be very vague about the child’s biological parents. Many adoptive parents do this feeling as if they are protecting the child and many times this only makes the situation worse.
• Refuse to ever talk about the adoption and just insist that the child is theirs and that is just the way that it is.
• Making the child feel guilty or ungrateful when they ask any question about their background or their biological parents.
• Making the child feel guilty or ungrateful if they question why they were adopted.
• Tell the child that they must have done something wrong for their biological parents not to want them.
• Tell the child that they should be grateful and in their “debt” because they “saved” them.
• Make the child feel disloyal if they talk about their birthparents or want to make excuses for them.
• Making the child feel guilty if they share that they are adopted with other people.
• Not recognizing that the child has a set of biological parents and adoptive parents.
• Introducing the child as their “adoptive” child.
• Make the child feel that they had to “settle” because of their own infertility.
• Not acknowledging the birth parents abuse or neglect of the child. Or refusing to even speak of it, thinking that they are protecting the child.
• Refuse to offer professional help to the older adoptee. Ignoring that they may have issues that they need someone to talk to about.
• Thinking that if they just loved them enough that it will “fix” all of the child’s issues or concerns.

The search for a personal sense of identity is normal among adolescents. However, to the adoptee it comes with the adoption process. Alternatively, it comes with the foster child that is placed in a foster home.

They wonder the same things. They ask themselves the same questions:

• Why did my biological parents not want me?
• What is so wrong with me that they did not want me or want to fight for me?
• Was I a bad child and they could not handle me?
• If I had been a better-behaved child, would they have kept me?
• Was it because I was not smart enough, pretty enough, etc?
• Am I just trash that is to be thrown away?
• What could I have done different to make them change their minds?
• If I had been born a girl/boy would that have changed their minds?
• If my biological dad had been there, would my mom have given me up for adoption?
• Was I that much of a burden for my biological parents?
• Did I disappoint them in some way?
• Am I less valuable than the biological child that is raised by its own parents?
• What do people think of me when they find out that I am a foster child or adoptee?
• Will they hold that against me?
• Will they just pity me?
• Do my new parents just feel sorry for me or do they really love me? And why?
• Do my new parents have expectations that I will never be able to fill?
• What if I mess up, will they send me back? Will they regret adopting me or taking me into their home as a foster child?
• Why do other parents go to any lengths for their children, but mine could not.
• If my adoptive parents/foster parents really knew the true me, would they still want me here?
• How can I test them to make sure that they really love me? How far can I push “the envelope” with them?
• If my birth parents are so immoral and despicable, does that mean that I am also?
• Is that my future and I have no choice in it?
• Why do I have these persistent feeling of shame and guilt even though I know that it was not my fault that they did not want me?
• Why do I let myself be defined by being an adoptee/foster child?
• What will the other kids at school think of me as a foster child or of me, if they find out that I was adopted?
• I want to trust my new foster parents/adoptive parents, but why is it so hard for me?

Because of these and many more questions, these children may need help from therapists who offer treatment for identity disorders.

Adoptive parents and foster parents always need to check their own attitudes about foster care or adoption. This will enable the foster child or adoptee to understand their efforts to help.

Most adoptions go smoothly; however, sometimes problems will come up. Although these issues will require some adjustments, they are not necessarily deal breakers. An adoption attorney or agency will know the best way to avert problems and whom you can trust in the adoption process. Adoption agencies and adoption attorneys handle many adoptions and can guide you through the process with minimal chances of problems occurring. There are some warning signs that you should look out for in the adoption process.

The warning signs for public adoption agencies could include:
• The caseworker not providing details or being vague about the child’s background.
• You are not given the opportunity to know the child’s medical background and status.
• The foster parents are not willing to work with you through the adoption process.
• The caseworker does not return phone calls in an appropriate amount of time.
• Your questions are not answered.
• You are not given the opportunity to get to know the child well before the adoption.
• You are not given the opportunity to meet the child before the adoption.

On private agency adoptions the warning signs are:
• The agency is unwilling or slow to provide references from prior adoptions that they have handled.
• You are not told the number of adoption that they have successfully administered each year.
• The agency is slow or does not return your phone calls.
• A large upfront fee is requested and no fee breakdown is indicated.
• The agency does not tell you or they are vague when the explain how it finds the birth mothers
• They agency is unwilling to give you complete information on the birth mother’s history and background.
• The agency promises a child faster if more money is paid up front.
• The agency pressures you to sign the agency agreement.

The warning signs for international adoptions are:
• The agency does not provide references when requested.
• The agency does not promptly return phone calls or is unable to answer your questions about the child, the adoption or the birth mother.
• The agency does not encourage or allow you to obtain a medical evaluation of the child you have chosen before finalizing the adoption.
• When traveling to the country from which you are adopting the child, the agency does not provide escorts, translators and interpreters.
• A large fee is required up front along with a small application fee.
• The large fee is not refundable if the adoption falls through.
• The agency is unable or not willing to allow you any information on the birth mother.

Most adoptions are successful and are a joyful process. The best defense against these problems is working with a reputable adoption agency or an experienced adoption attorney. The adoption process should be a wonderful experience for you and your family. A problem filled adoption process is very stressful for you and your family and can be averted by using an agency or an adoption attorney.