There are two major types of adoption: international and domestic. Before you embark on your journey through the process of adoption, you must consider the pros and cons of each type of adoption. Whether you choose international or domestic, it will be the right decision for you and your family if you carefully weigh the options and choose what best fits your lifestyle and family life.

Pros of Domestic Adoption:

* It is generally less costly due to little or no travel. If the child is adopted through foster care, the cost could be zero.

* You have an opportunity to adopt a newborn by getting paired up with a birth mom who has yet to deliver.

* You will be given more comprehensive medical information about the biological parents.

* Most of the labor is completed by the adoption agency workers. You will not have to use up much of your own time on the adoption procedures and course of action.

Cons of Domestic Adoption:

*The requirements for those seeking a domestic adoption can be quite rigorous.

*The biological mother may have a change of heart and refuse to give her child to the adoptive parents. Regrettably, this happens more often at the end of the adoption process, when adoptive parents are planning on bringing home their new baby. There are guidelines and restrictions regarding this situation, but they are little comfort to parents concerned about leaving a hospital empty-handed.

*There is a smaller number of children available for domestic adoption.

Pros of International Adoption

*There is an abundance of children available for adoption in many other countries.

*The regulations and requirements are more relaxed for international adoption; you have a better chance of becoming eligible to adopt.

*There is little to no worry about the biological mother changing her mind on her decision to place her baby for adoption. Many of these children are orphaned.

*The time frame can be more acceptable than domestic adoptions. On average, the process from start to finish usually takes between 12 and 18 months.

Cons of International Adoption

*It is generally more expensive to adopt internationally. Costs can range from $15,000 to $30,000 depending on a variety of expenses: travel, translators, and fees related to paperwork and processing.

*It is probable that there will be no communication with the birth parents, which some people view as a good thing, depending on how one feels about the circumstances and situation. Another thing to take into account is that it is unlikely to connect with birth siblings.

*The age of the child that the adoptive parents prefer is a deciding factor. Newborns are not obtainable through adoptions abroad. A majority of the international children who are adopted are six months or older.

*Most of the time, the adopting family does not speak the same language of their adopted child. This could be another hurdle to overcome when it comes to paperwork, medical terminology, and getting to know your child.

*Many times, the medical background of the adoptive child is unknown.

*The rules or laws governing adoption in your chosen country may change during the process which could delay or block the completion of the adoption.

State adoption laws differ, which makes studying these laws and your options important. Rarely can you do this alone: it’s recommended you hire an experienced attorney with the time and knowledge to go over your options. There are some initial steps you can take yourself, especially if you haven’t decided if adoption is right for you.

Make Contact
Write down a list of agencies in your state, contact them, and ask for information. It’s important to contact a large number of agencies and to go over the materials they send you in detail. Remember how important it is to get the right agency. If you make mistakes here, it might delay your adoption.

Set Goals
If you are unsure of what you want in an agency, sit down, perhaps with your spouse, and brainstorm. This need not be a grueling process. Set some simple and reachable goals: instead of saying “I want a child in six months,” be more realistic and say, “I will spend several months querying agencies, then try to get an infant in 1 year.” That’s the right kind of goal – one you can reach.

Query an Agency
After you put together a list, get some documentation, and find upside for certain agencies, contact a few of them. You should start meeting with agencies too. Leave your decision open until you’ve visited several. Trust your instincts on people, ask tough questions like on fees and time tables, and never settle for one agency. Instead of just choosing the first good agency you find, be selective. The decision is important so take your time.

Critique the Agency
Make sure the adoption agency is licensed correctly. For example, if you adopt in New York, ensure they are licensed in the state of New York. If you are considering an international adoption, make sure this agency is licensed in that country. If possible, you may even want to look over a list of parents who adopted and ask them about their experiences.

Consider Alternatives
Adoption agencies are not your only option. And if you adopt from an agency, it does not always mean you have to go with a private one. You can adopt from both private and public adoption agencies (public agencies can be faster). You might also consider adopting via an independent adoption, where you find a birth mother. In any case, hiring a lawyer is crucial.

Get a Lawyer
Perhaps the first step you should really take instead of getting agency information is contacting local adoption lawyers. A lawyer will be invaluable in saving you time, money, and headaches in the adoption process. The lawyer may have worked successfully with other agencies before. If you adopt via any means, but especially with independent adoption, the legal paperwork comes in stacks. Protect yourself and your family’s future by hiring an experienced adoption lawyer in your state.

Can you adopt?
There are some complex rules you need to consider before adopting a child. If you adopt within the U.S., you must follow both state and federal laws. So if you are adopting in Indiana, you’d have to follow both Indiana adoption laws and federal laws. If you adopt internationally, that too is different: you have to follow the foreign country’s adoption laws, the state you are adopting in laws, and federal laws. To get started, you should decide if you’ll be eligible and what for. The general guideline is that you are a “fit parent” who can raise a child. Some states have rules which, though they may seem unfair, are the law. If you go through an agency, for example, you may face some daunting requirements.

Why use an agency?
Before you start this process, consider your options. You can do more than adopt through an agency, though that is the most common way to do so. Agency adoption gives you the option of using a public agency or a private agency. Public agencies usually deal with orphaned children and those from foster care. A private agency are given children usually by birth parents wanting to give them up.

There are some advantages in using an agency. You have many options for who to work with, if you have specific needs they can be met, and you can get help with paperwork. On the other hand, agency adoptions can be expensive and time consuming.

If You Want to Speed the Process Up
You need not go through an agency; you can use independent adoption to directly adopt the child from the birth parents. This can speed up the process greatly. You may be denied for agency adoption, cannot afford it, or are put on a long waiting list. If you go directly to the birth parents, with some professional help you can legally adopt the child directly. You have more paperwork, making an experienced lawyer quite valuable.

Preparing for Parenthood
You may be scared about taking on a child, even if you’ve had children in your family before. Agencies offer counseling for prospective parents to better prepare them for raising a child. You can find counseling via other means if you do an independent adoption. If you have no experience in raising a child, you have to be aware this will likely hurt your sleeping patterns and strain your emotions. There are many counseling programs available for prospective parents.

Hiring an Experienced Adoption Lawyer
If you decide to use independent adoption, you almost always need an experienced adoption lawyer. He or she is invaluable in ensuring you follow all state and federal laws (and a foreign country’s laws too if you adopt internationally). If you go through an agency, you may have more help getting paperwork correctly filled out, but you still need representation to ensure you are being treated fairly and are following all laws. If you are unsure of where to begin with an adoption, consider consulting with some lawyers, then choosing one you can afford and who has relevant experience.

What do adoption agencies look for from parents interested in raising a child?

Some warning signs are obvious. If you have a violent criminal record, have a drug record, or other clear legal problems, you may be looked down on. You have to remember that the child’s safety is #1. Even minor problems, noted in this blog guide, can delay if not stop the adoption process.

You don’t have to work with an adoption agency, as most states allow independent adoption. But working with an agency can be very affordable, and you can get your child in a fair amount of time.

If you work with an adoption agency, you should also consider working with an experienced adoption lawyer. An adoption lawyer does not work free of charge, but because there are so many laws and protections for the child, it can save you a lot of time, headaches, and money by working with one. If you are unsure of how to begin, wonder if agency adoption is right for you, or deciding on another route, a professional adoption lawyer in your area can help.

Each child is different and requires different things from his or her parents. Adoption agencies look for the following, generally,when giving a child a new family and home.

Are you willing to learn?
If you have no interest in learning to raise a child, why do so? If you fail to seek guidance on certain issues, it can affect the child. Every parent has to learn things when a new child comes into the family. You need not be perfect, but if you can learn and ask for help, an agency can work with you.

Do you have time?
If you and your spouse both have days filled with work and nights filled by more work or partying, do you really have time for a child? Even if one parent stays home, it’s important to understand this child may create some sleepless nights and problems. But if you put the time into it, if you free up a work day or spend the early years very involved, that strengthens your case for adoption.

The Life Before
The child may have had some major events already happen to him or her. Good or bad, you have to acknowledge this. A child given up by a parent who simply could not take care may have some emotional problems. You need to address these early, to acknowledge this point in his or her life.

You’re Patient, Friendly, and Devoted
You need to be far more than these in order to raise a child, but it’s a good start. Patience during this process, and while the child grows, is critical. As all parents learn, sometimes patience is the best philosophy to have. Agencies may also consider how friendly you are to them, and how devoted you are to properly raising this child. If you have plans and dreams for your son or daughter, share them.

The Good and Bad
While there are many other points agencies consider, consider that this will be a dramatic change in your life. Agencies want someone who will stay with this child through good and bad.

If you are unsure of how to get this process started legally, contact an experienced adoption lawyer.

Many adoptees of all ages face a very challenging and painful aspect of their adoption. Often they are asked hurtful, personal and intrusive questions. This is what differentiates them from other children. Some of these questions are about their own personal adoption and sometimes these questions come up from people that see newspaper and magazine articles, news broadcasts, events, movies or even televisions shows that depict someone that is adopted. They expect the adopted child to give them answers about adoption as if they have all the answers and assume they are the experts on the subject. This sometimes makes it very difficult and uncomfortable about sharing their adoption experience. Because of this, some adopted children will never share with others about their adoption. They try to escape the pressure of all the questions.

Some of these questions they are unable to answer merely because they have not had time to process their own adoption and have not come to answers about it for themselves. Sometimes the questions have not even come across their minds to even think about.

People can never understand what it is like for the adopted child unless they themselves have walked in their shoes. Here are some of the questions that are usually asked of adoptees: 

• How does it feel to know that you are adopted?
• Are you sad/happy that you know you are adopted?
• Does being adopted make you feel different from other people?
• Do other kids make fun of you when they find that you are adopted?
• Where is your real mother?
• Were you adopted because your mom and dad abused you?
• What were your real mother and father like?
• Have you ever seen your real mother and father?
• Where are they from?
• Are you ever going to search for them?
• What do you think they are like?
• Why did they give you up for adoption?
• Did you ever live in an orphanage or foster home?
• What was that like?
• Were you ever abused in the foster home/orphanage?
• Was your mom and dad married?
• Did your dad just leave your mom when she told him she was pregnant?
• Do you have any brothers or sisters?
• Were they also adopted, and where are they at now?
• Did your mom keep any of your brothers or sisters?
• Do you all have the same birthparents?
• Do you ever wonder what you will look like when you grow up?
• Was your mom or dad on drugs or alcohol?
• Did your mom and dad live on the streets?
• Was your mom a prostitute?
• How much did your adopted parents have to pay for you?
• Do you think that they ever regret adopting you?
• Do you regret being adopted?
• Do your other brothers and or sisters in your adopted family treat you different because you were adopted and they were not?
• Do your adopted parents baby you because you were adopted?
• When did they tell you that you were adopted?
• How does it feel to be a different race from your adopted parents?
• Do you think that they understand that you want to be like other kids of the same race as you?
• Do your new relatives treat you different from the other kids in the family?
• Do you know other kids that are adopted?
• Do you prefer to keep your adoption a secret? 

Before you pose any of these questions to an adopted child, ask yourself, would I want to be asked such personal questions? Can you just imagine what it would feel like for a four, five or six year-old child to be asked these questions? Even to the older child these would be very difficult and more than likely make them feel uncomfortable and embarrassed. 

As parents of adopted children, parents need to understand that these questions are posed to their adopted child in schools, on the playgrounds, at sporting events, at church, at sleepovers, and even at family gatherings. Most of the time, these questions come at the most inopportune times and in front of other friends and family, which only heightens the embarrassment or shame. These questions are asked sometimes just innocently, but many times their friends, teachers, coaches, neighbors and schoolmates ask them.

Some of the best responses that an adopted child could give at these times are to say, “I would rather not talk about it.”  On the other hand, “This is my business and is too personal. Or sometimes just walking away from the person can help the situation. 

Adopted parents are also asked personal questions about the adoption; however, they are much more prepared to answer the question or have ready made answers to the question that let the person know that it is a personal matter and not to be discussed. One of the most asked question to adoptive parents is, “Is that your real child?” In addition, the response should always be, “Of course, she/he is a real child and she/he is our daughter/son.” 

Until the public is more educated about the reasons, the process, and the joy of adoption these questions will be asked. I hope that soon the media and press will be more vigilant about educating the public about issues surrounding adoption. 

To all families touched with adoption ~ “Stand strong and proud”

My husband and I have had the privilege and honor of being foster care parents now for   4 years and I can honestly say there is no greater joy than taking care of foster children, other than taking care of, loving and raising our own two children.

Our son had graduated from high school and was in college when we decided to become foster parents. Our daughter was a senior in high school. Being natural caregivers, it just made sense to begin fostering children. We both dreaded the empty nest syndrome that we knew was looming overhead.

We have the honor of picking up most of our babies straight out of the local hospital nurseries.  Some stay with us for a couple of hours and some stay for months. It is different with every baby. We take care of babies for a local adoption agency. Most times the babies are adopted, however on some occasions the biological parents decide to parent the babies themselves.

There is a great misconception among society on the adoption process and the biological parent’s decision not to parent the child. Some see it as the biological parents “giving away the child,” when in reality the biological parents are making a plan for another family to parent their child. (more…)

Most adoptions go smoothly; however, sometimes problems will come up. Although these issues will require some adjustments, they are not necessarily deal breakers. An adoption attorney or agency will know the best way to avert problems and whom you can trust in the adoption process. Adoption agencies and adoption attorneys handle many adoptions and can guide you through the process with minimal chances of problems occurring. There are some warning signs that you should look out for in the adoption process.

The warning signs for public adoption agencies could include:
• The caseworker not providing details or being vague about the child’s background.
• You are not given the opportunity to know the child’s medical background and status.
• The foster parents are not willing to work with you through the adoption process.
• The caseworker does not return phone calls in an appropriate amount of time.
• Your questions are not answered.
• You are not given the opportunity to get to know the child well before the adoption.
• You are not given the opportunity to meet the child before the adoption.

On private agency adoptions the warning signs are:
• The agency is unwilling or slow to provide references from prior adoptions that they have handled.
• You are not told the number of adoption that they have successfully administered each year.
• The agency is slow or does not return your phone calls.
• A large upfront fee is requested and no fee breakdown is indicated.
• The agency does not tell you or they are vague when the explain how it finds the birth mothers
• They agency is unwilling to give you complete information on the birth mother’s history and background.
• The agency promises a child faster if more money is paid up front.
• The agency pressures you to sign the agency agreement.

The warning signs for international adoptions are:
• The agency does not provide references when requested.
• The agency does not promptly return phone calls or is unable to answer your questions about the child, the adoption or the birth mother.
• The agency does not encourage or allow you to obtain a medical evaluation of the child you have chosen before finalizing the adoption.
• When traveling to the country from which you are adopting the child, the agency does not provide escorts, translators and interpreters.
• A large fee is required up front along with a small application fee.
• The large fee is not refundable if the adoption falls through.
• The agency is unable or not willing to allow you any information on the birth mother.

Most adoptions are successful and are a joyful process. The best defense against these problems is working with a reputable adoption agency or an experienced adoption attorney. The adoption process should be a wonderful experience for you and your family. A problem filled adoption process is very stressful for you and your family and can be averted by using an agency or an adoption attorney.