The search for a personal sense of identity is normal among adolescents. However, to the adoptee it comes with the adoption process. Alternatively, it comes with the foster child that is placed in a foster home.

They wonder the same things. They ask themselves the same questions:

• Why did my biological parents not want me?
• What is so wrong with me that they did not want me or want to fight for me?
• Was I a bad child and they could not handle me?
• If I had been a better-behaved child, would they have kept me?
• Was it because I was not smart enough, pretty enough, etc?
• Am I just trash that is to be thrown away?
• What could I have done different to make them change their minds?
• If I had been born a girl/boy would that have changed their minds?
• If my biological dad had been there, would my mom have given me up for adoption?
• Was I that much of a burden for my biological parents?
• Did I disappoint them in some way?
• Am I less valuable than the biological child that is raised by its own parents?
• What do people think of me when they find out that I am a foster child or adoptee?
• Will they hold that against me?
• Will they just pity me?
• Do my new parents just feel sorry for me or do they really love me? And why?
• Do my new parents have expectations that I will never be able to fill?
• What if I mess up, will they send me back? Will they regret adopting me or taking me into their home as a foster child?
• Why do other parents go to any lengths for their children, but mine could not.
• If my adoptive parents/foster parents really knew the true me, would they still want me here?
• How can I test them to make sure that they really love me? How far can I push “the envelope” with them?
• If my birth parents are so immoral and despicable, does that mean that I am also?
• Is that my future and I have no choice in it?
• Why do I have these persistent feeling of shame and guilt even though I know that it was not my fault that they did not want me?
• Why do I let myself be defined by being an adoptee/foster child?
• What will the other kids at school think of me as a foster child or of me, if they find out that I was adopted?
• I want to trust my new foster parents/adoptive parents, but why is it so hard for me?

Because of these and many more questions, these children may need help from therapists who offer treatment for identity disorders.

Adoptive parents and foster parents always need to check their own attitudes about foster care or adoption. This will enable the foster child or adoptee to understand their efforts to help.

May is National Foster Care Month. This is a great time to recognize and honor the many families that open their homes and make a huge difference in the lives of children. These families take in these children while their parents are working on various issues or while the state works to terminate the parent’s custody so that these children can be adopted. National Foster Care Month is also a great time to recognize and honor all the relative caregivers, the social workers, the mentors, and the volunteers that work with these children and provide safety and care for them. Everyone involved play a vital role in helping the child, youth, and the families that are in crisis to heal.

Foster families provide not only safety but also nurturing care, assistance with schooling, medical care, emotional support, physiological support, and stability that these children so desperately need. These families help these children and youths to see that there is hope and many opportunities for them in life. They teach them to make wise choices in their lives. They teach them what a healthy thriving family looks like. In addition, they teach these children and youths that they are valuable and worth fighting for.

Foster families are in great demand in all states. It takes commitment and determination, but the payoff is the knowledge that they have made a difference in the lives of these children and youths. They care for these children until it is safe for them to return to their homes or until they are adopted.

According to the Texas Child Protective Services (CPS) annual report for 2007 the number of children and youth in foster care for 2006 was 34,275 and for 2007 the number of children and youth in foster care was 33,615. This is an alarming number of children and the need for foster families is always high. Foster parents receive reimbursements for the cost of caring for these children. CPS sets up all appointments for the medical, dental, and various therapies that these children need. The state pays for all charges.

Take the time to recognize and honor all of these families, volunteers, and state workers that care for these children and youths.

My husband and I have had the privilege and honor of being foster care parents now for   4 years and I can honestly say there is no greater joy than taking care of foster children, other than taking care of, loving and raising our own two children.

Our son had graduated from high school and was in college when we decided to become foster parents. Our daughter was a senior in high school. Being natural caregivers, it just made sense to begin fostering children. We both dreaded the empty nest syndrome that we knew was looming overhead.

We have the honor of picking up most of our babies straight out of the local hospital nurseries.  Some stay with us for a couple of hours and some stay for months. It is different with every baby. We take care of babies for a local adoption agency. Most times the babies are adopted, however on some occasions the biological parents decide to parent the babies themselves.

There is a great misconception among society on the adoption process and the biological parent’s decision not to parent the child. Some see it as the biological parents “giving away the child,” when in reality the biological parents are making a plan for another family to parent their child. (more…)